Saddam AC Team Still Alive

Despite getting captured by US troops just a few weeks ago, our mid eastern sources tell us that the little known Saddam Hussein America's Cup program will still continue. "As long as I am at the helm of this great Iraqi nation, our plans to crush the infidels, both on and off the water, will move forward," Hussein was heard to say in what the mainstream press assumed was little more than incoherent blabbering.

Details of the challenge, known to insiders as "The People's Islamic Yachting and Torture Federation", are just now starting to become clear. A portion of the missing Iraqi oil money, for example, was indeed earmarked for the 07' Cup. "The pisser was I had that $750,000 cash for that traitor Coutts as his weekly retainer when the American pigs found me," said Hussein, referring to the amount of cash he had with him when he was captured. "Thank Allah they didn't see the OneWorld design data that swine Kimo Worthington sold me."

Though sketchy, financial documents scribbled in Arabic and uncovered by SA, reveal the total budget be to approximately $1 billion US, an astounding amount, given what the so-called "B's" spent during the last Cup. "What, you think a spoiled little fuck like Bertarelli, is going to outspend what the people of Iraqi choose to donate to this great cause? On the water, we will beat him like a camel, and then afterwards, attach his genitals to electrical wires for a bit of post-race "interrogation." Perhaps his smile will not be so great then."

It has also come to light that Doug Peterson had been pegged to draw the new boats for The People's Islamic Yachting and Torture Federation. "That slob will sign with anybody," Hussein said, "Koch, Kiwis, Italians - it was easy to get him. We just gave him lots of money, mostly to shut up that annoying ex-wife of his, Luana. I think she's an Iraqi, and clearly needs a burka. And perhaps a good time like The People's Army gave Jessica Lynch"

With little likelihood of being able to run the program from his jail cell, Hussein announced that Paul Cayard will officially be in charge. "By rights, Uday or Qusay would be in charge, but I have not heard from them." According to Hussein, Cayard was an easy choice. "First, he looks like he could be an Iraqi, with his tan and bad moustache and constant unhappy look. Second, he's been running around the world trying to convince rich men that he is the greatest sailor and that they should give him millions. By rights, he should simply be strung up and shot, but I felt sorry for the poor bastard." Besides, he's enough of a prick to do what needs to be done if we fail."

There was no word from any of the parties mentioned, but we'll attempt to get you more info on Team Hussein and The People's Islamic Yachting and Torture Federation as it arrives.